Emotions—your own and others’—can be both friend and foe in negotiation. This simple yet substantive guide by Roger (Getting to Yes) Fisher and colleague Daniel Shapiro tells how to harness positive feelings to reach effective agreements.
“Although emotions are often thought of as obstacles to a negotiation—and certainly can be—they can also be a great asset. They can help us achieve our negotiating purpose, whether to find creative ways to satisfy interests or to improve a rocky relationship,” the authors write.
The first step to dealing with emotions, according to this book, is to focus on the underlying “core concerns,” or natural desires common to everyone. These are appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status, and role. Taking appreciation as an example, “to appreciate does not mean to give in,” they clarify. It does mean learning to understand the other person’s point of view, even when you think their outlook is foolish or flat-out wrong. Concentrating on the five core concerns will keep you from getting distracted by unruly emotions, such as frustration, and foster insight about yourself and your deal partners.
Finally, prepare negotiations thoroughly in advance and debrief yourself and your team afterward, they advise. Examine three areas: the actual process of negotiation, the practical issues that were discussed, and the emotions that arose. “Ask yourself what each party did that worked well and what could be done differently in the future.” Then aim to do better next time.
Fisher is an emeritus professor at Harvard Law School, director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, and the founder of two consulting organizations that advise on strategy and negotiation training. Shapiro, associate director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, teaches negotiation at Harvard Law School and in the psychiatry department at Harvard Medical School/McLean Hospital.