This is a handy guide for anyone who has to contend with difficult people, whether that means a boss who is impossible to please or a salesperson who hasn’t a clue about appropriate customer service. The book’s strategy, called the “N.I.C.E.” approach, might help you make headway in a variety of circumstances, both personal and professional, that seem intractable.
While most of us would rather avoid “difficult, angry, emotional, demanding, close-minded, tyrannical, illogical, and rude” individuals, the reality is that sometimes we must engage with them. The N.I.C.E. system breaks down into N—neutralize emotions, I—identify type, C—control the encounter, and E—explore options.
It sounds easy, but many situations are so complex that the advice here may have only limited applicability. As the authors acknowledge, emotions defy logic; types are difficult to precisely identify; creative options can be elusive; and messy resolutions are often difficult to avoid.
It’s helpful that the authors illustrate each aspect of N.I.C.E. with examples from their own negotiation experience. To explain the importance of “neutralizing emotions,” for instance, Shapiro describes a case he lost early in his career, involving housing discrimination in Baltimore. He shows how his emotions took over when he was up against a tough judge in the trial; ultimately Shapiro lost. If he had taken a step back and handled the judge’s comments with more objectivity, he might have prevailed on behalf of his client.
Shapiro and Jankowski are attorneys and experienced negotiators whose daily work involves conflict resolution. Shapiro settled a strike by a symphony orchestra and helped facilitate the end of Major League Baseball’s most recent labor deadlock. Jankowski has taught negotiation programs at Johns Hopkins University and the Wharton School, and consulted for MBNA America, Gillette, and Black and Decker.
The simplicity of their four-step approach is appealing. However, we would suggest proceeding with caution, given the volatility of relationships with difficult people.